The Happiest Warrior

As this sad, dispiriting campaign winds down, one man looks like he’s having fun: President Obama.

You see it when he speaks at rallies, when he chides Trump for “whining” and when he pokes fun at himself in interviews.

So here are the imagined ruminations of the President during one of those late nights at the White House when he’s reading state papers, watching ESPN and enjoying an adult beverage and a handful of almonds:

“Man, life is great. In three months, I’m out of here. I’ll walk out with my head high and my approval ratings even higher.

“If Hillary wins, only three Presidents since 1900 have served two full terms and seen their party win the next term. FDR, Reagan and now ol’ Barry. Not bad.

“After watching Hillary and Trump, the American people would gladly take me for a third term. But I’m good. I’m going to sleep late, play all the golf I want and go to Hawaii anytime I want.

“The girls survived eight years in the White House. They’ll be off to college soon, and Michelle and I will be empty-nesters.

“Speaking of which, how about that dress she wore to the state dinner the other night? Wowzer!

“We’ll make a gazillion dollars. We’ll travel the world. We’ll find some good causes to help. Be like Jimmy Carter. Maybe write a couple of books. We’ve probably got at least another three decades to enjoy life.

“That’ll drive the haters crazy. Maybe I’ll go to Kenya and put on a dashiki just to torment them.

“I’ll call up old Boehner. We’ll have a drink and a smoke and laugh about those fools in Congress. I’ll even let him take a few bucks off me on the golf course.

“Best of all, I’ll walk away knowing that America is greater, more peaceful and more prosperous than when I walked in here.

“And I’ll know there are thousands of young people across America who got inspired to do something for their country. They’ll be around long after I’ve gone.

“So I think I’ll cut loose and celebrate. Have me another handful of almonds.”

Thanks, Obama.

 

Avatar photo

Gary Pearce

Categories

Archives

Recent Posts

The Happiest Warrior

As this sad, dispiriting campaign winds down, one man looks like he’s having fun: President Obama.

You see it when he speaks at rallies, when he chides Trump for “whining” and when he pokes fun at himself in interviews.

So here are the imagined ruminations of the President during one of those late nights at the White House when he’s reading state papers, watching ESPN and enjoying an adult beverage and a handful of almonds:

“Man, life is great. In three months, I’m out of here. I’ll walk out with my head high and my approval ratings even higher.

“If Hillary wins, only three Presidents since 1900 have served two full terms and seen their party win the next term. FDR, Reagan and now ol’ Barry. Not bad.

“After watching Hillary and Trump, the American people would gladly take me for a third term. But I’m good. I’m going to sleep late, play all the golf I want and go to Hawaii anytime I want.

“The girls survived eight years in the White House. They’ll be off to college soon, and Michelle and I will be empty-nesters.

“Speaking of which, how about that dress she wore to the state dinner the other night? Wowzer!

“We’ll make a gazillion dollars. We’ll travel the world. We’ll find some good causes to help. Be like Jimmy Carter. Maybe write a couple of books. We’ve probably got at least another three decades to enjoy life.

“That’ll drive the haters crazy. Maybe I’ll go to Kenya and put on a dashiki just to torment them.

“I’ll call up old Boehner. We’ll have a drink and a smoke and laugh about those fools in Congress. I’ll even let him take a few bucks off me on the golf course.

“Best of all, I’ll walk away knowing that America is greater, more peaceful and more prosperous than when I walked in here.

“And I’ll know there are thousands of young people across America who got inspired to do something for their country. They’ll be around long after I’ve gone.

“So I think I’ll cut loose and celebrate. Have me another handful of almonds.”

Thanks, Obama.

 

Avatar photo

Gary Pearce

Categories

Archives