A while back two meandering tribes of ‘anony-mices’ – as Ms. Joan Troy once called them – set up camp over on the Talking About Politics Forum and, for the past year, these diminutive creatures have made war on one another and just about anyone else they lay eyes on – which brings us to the first political trait of anony-mices: Fierceness. Like Apaches anony-mices are unnaturally warlike.
For example, the other day one of the two tribes declared holy war on Richard Morgan the minute he announced for State Senate and they’ve been in a white-hot passion ever since telling anyone who’ll listen that Richard is more liberal that Barack Obama – which leads us to the second trait of anony-mices: They’re as deceitful as wicked women.
Richard Morgan opposes gay marriage, President Obama’s Stimulus Packages, Governor Perdue’s tax increases, closing Gitmo, and putting terrorists on trial in New York City. He supported Jesse Helms, Ronald Reagan, John East, Lauch Faircloth and Richard Vinroot.
But none of that matters to this tribe of anony-mices because Richard didn’t support George Holmes for Speaker back in 2003; worse in the anony-mices’ eyes Richard ran against George and beat him so instead of George and Democrat Jim Black being Co-Speakers of the House Richard and Jim Black were elected. All that happened seven years ago, which brings us to the anony-mices third trait: They bear grudges like Hatfields and McCoys.
Finally, there’s the anony-mices’ most vociferous trait: They are wild about sex. Not experiencing sex. Gossiping about sex.
During the first five years Gary and I published Talking About Politics I deleted exactly three obscene comments from the Forum. Then last year Chad Adams ran against Tom Fetzer for State Chairman and the anony-mices went to calling everyone in sight gays or lesbians or adulterers or philatelists. Gary got so shocked by it all he called one day and said, I always suspected Republicans were a little kinky when it comes to sex – but don’t you think you ought to take the copies of those sexually explicit emails off the Forum?
I must have deleted six hundred posts.
After that things quieted down a bit until one morning three months later a friend who supports the John Locke Foundation called and said, Someone just anonymously posted an article on your Forum that says just about everyone who works at the Locke Foundation is wife-swapping – including John Hood.
John Hood isn’t even married.
Ever since wife-swapping charges have been flying back and forth between the two warring tribes and I’ve been deleting away.
Back in 2008 when Elizabeth Dole’s ‘Godless’ ad backfired I figured maybe one good thing would come of it – the folks running Republican campaigns would figure out there’s a line you can’t cross in politics. But it hasn’t worked out that way.
Instead, like Viet Cong guerillas our Republican candidates have changed tactics: Instead of slamming opponents in the light of day they now send bands of anony-mices scurrying out in the dead of night, stealing across that line on the Internet, and slashing away and what’s bound to happen next is as plain as the nose on your face: It’s all going to boomerang. Again.